We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
