Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
