at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
