but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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