Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.