We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
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Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
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Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.