my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
