The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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