is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
