idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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