genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
