ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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