Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
