It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
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He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
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Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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