I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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