There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I am spending my child support on dildos
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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