I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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