So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
