just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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