At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
