well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
