i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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