No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
