I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
