theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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