You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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