it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
