Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
