puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
