I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
