# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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