yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
