Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
