if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
