Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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