found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
