The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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