You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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