He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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