Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
