dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
