Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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