I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
