Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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