And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
