I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
