dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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