literally had 100 drinks last night.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
