Just cropdusted the office
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
