don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
