We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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