i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize