he shaved USA in his pubs
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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