I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
