and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
