Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
