Betty ford says i'm here all night
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
