Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
