a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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