btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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