Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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