if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
