i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
