I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
