Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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