if only i could text you this smell
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
