yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
