I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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