i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
