did you get engaged???
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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