what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
