speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
please come you make the beer taste better
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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