Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
