my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm bleeding and have questions
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
