I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
