Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
