You don't have asthma, your pregnant
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My vagina is officially offended.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
