I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
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He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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