I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
