If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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