This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
