dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
