Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
