If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
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